I'm so confused.

Monday, July 14, 2014
Tuesday, July 15, 2014


7/14

Today was a very strange day to me.  I felt very 'off' today, and I don't know why.  I didn't feel like doing anything, and I didn't.  I ate more than I usually do, and that made me feel even more off.  I was just so bummed all day, and I even dozed off a couple of times, and that's definitely weird for me.
For my lunch, I had a bowl/can of chicken noodle soup along with some dry roasted peanuts - a LOT of dry roasted peanuts.  Probably 3 servings' worth.  I just couldn't stop eating them.  That's most probably what was wrong with me - a carb overload (I can read my body better now, see?) - but I just let it overpower me.  After a bit, I got up and got myself 2 slices of Colby Jack cheese to munch, also.

After Ron got home, we talked about supper.  He kinda wanted cabbage (now that I"M up and about!) but we finally just settled for cheese weenies (which are cheesy metts, remember).  I only had 2, and he had the other 4.  I thought about having more peanuts with mine, but I did resist that.  Yay, me.

I sure hope I can sleep tonight, and I sure hope that I feel more 'me' tomorrow, because I have a lot to do around here.  As has been proven, it's not gonna get done unless I do it.


7/15

I had taken 2 sleeping pills when I truly "went to bed" last night, and man, oh, man did I sleep good last night!  I didn't wake up today until after noon, and I felt so much better.  Maybe I was just tired all this time!  I mean, I know I've been tired of laying in bed, and tired of being 'not me,' and tired of not being able to do stuff, and all that, but maybe I was just out-and-out tired, as in not getting enough sleep.  That is a distinct possibility.
I got up, played Happy Homemaker by doing the dishes that had gathered all weekend (as usual), played on the pute, did my exercises, and just generally felt more 'me.'  For my lunch, I had 2 of the little pizzas that I had gotten in the 5-for-$20.00 stuff (there are 8 in the package).  No sides, just the pizzas.

When Ron came home, it was time to go up to my TOPS meeting (well, weigh-in) and he let me drive his truck uptown tonight.  Me!  How about that!  After I did my weigh-in - and I found that I have gained back those 3 pounds - we decided to go to Gold Star for our supper.  We hadn't been there for a while, and it sounded just the thing.  As we were checking out, we noticed that they had the new Bengals schedules out!  They said that they had just got them earlier today, and were just getting them out.  I grabbed a bunch of 'em - I know lots of peeps who would like one!

We came on home after supper and are now watching TV, as we usually do in the evenings.  Believe it or not, he is not asleep - he is going through 'paperwork' after continually checking on the bird nest and spotting a deer at the lake/woods across the road.  And, I, of course, am on the pute.

And why am I driving the truck and not my car, you ask?  I didn't tell you?
I don't have my car right now.  It's down in Ripley, at my son's.  He left his car here, for his dad to work on the tires again - which Ron did, but when he did, he found out that the back right brake cylinder is bad, so Josh had to make the decision as to whether or not to put the money into fixing this.  At this point, he has decided NOT, because when they come back from vacation they were going to look for a new (to them) car anyway, so what was the use?  Vacation isn't that far away, so it was easier to let them just go ahead and keep my car now, instead of us switching back and forth a couple of times.  Besides, I didn't want him driving a car whose brakes were iffy.

So.  That's been the last couple of days.  I'm confused about my feeling bad yesterday, and why am I gaining this weight back when I'm exercising again, and there are so many questions that only have answers inside me circling inside my brain that I am sure that I will soon be crazy.  That is already a short trip, so what the hell am I going to do?  Step by step, day by day, I suppose.  That's all I can do.