It. Is. Official.

Monday, May 2, 2016


I had to get up this morning to take Ron to work - well, to ride with him to drive the truck back home - so I'd have the truck to go to my appointment today.  He discovered that one of my tires is totally shot, with wires showing through, and doesn't want me to drive my car.  I've been telling him that it's been driving funny and I guess he believes me now!

I got up this morning in time to make a phone call before leaving the house, then doing a couple of errands up in Bethel before going to my hematologist appointment.  I was feeling pretty proud of myself, let me tell you!  It's hard enough to get up in time to go somewhere, but to get things accomplished beforehand, too....whoohoo!

The hematologist appointment went pretty much as expected.  He gave me my official diagnosis:  Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia, Stage 0.  I am still asymptomatic (despite his bazillion blood tests - they have all been negative) and there is nothing to do but observe - both me and the disease.  I was saying things wrong - I was saying 'lymphatic,' but he said that means that it is in my lymph nodes, and this is not.  It is in my lymphocytes, so the correct word is lymphocytic.   He said that I don't need to come back for three months, and I will get a baseline CT scan before coming back so that other decisions can be made then.  He also ordered another blood test, too,  Yes, another one! Yippee Skippee!

I ate my lunch at Mama's Grill over in Williamsburg, which ended up being breakfast - that big sampler breakfast Bert got when we both went over there - and oh, boy, was it good.  I took my time and enjoyed every single bite, sending and receiving texts the whole time.
After that, I came home and went back to bed.  Interrupted sleep doesn't sit so well with me any more...



I am not sure how I feel about this diagnosis.  I mean, I knew it was coming.  And I know that, of all the things it could be, this is the best of the worse choices - it could definitely be worse! - and I am okay with it being what it is.  I am okay with being asymptomatic.  I am okay with not going back to the doctor for three months.  I am okay with all the negative tests.
But I am not okay, not deep down inside, that I am having this disease at all.  I don't think it's one single bit fair that I am going to be costing us - again.  Even though it's not much now, it's still gasoline and copays and things like that.  And, eventually, it will be percentages of this and that and - hopefully years down the road - hospital costs.   I am not okay with that - at all.
I am not okay with having any form of cancer, either.  That really sticks in my craw.  Of all the things I wanted to die from, cancer was not even on the board.  (I wanted to die quickly, not slowly.)

But I will BE okay (this is a disease you die with, not from), and I will still be around to bug the piss outta all of you for a while.
Prepare yourselves!