Friday, May 6, 2016 -
Wednesday, May 11, 2016
This has been a very hard week for me. I have come to dread the first week - ten days of May, most especially this year, and my emotions have been all over. I keep telling myself to not let it (as in everything) to get to me, and that works for a little while, but then thoughts present themselves in my brain again...
I don't want to be like this, so I have just been stewing in my thoughts while watching dead guys far into the night instead of writing my blog. I probably should have written my blog and got these thoughts and feelings out of me, but I didn't. I didn't want to depress everyone else!
Why this first week of May, especially this year? Let me tell you:
May 2 - officially diagnosed with CLL (Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia). Cancer. Sigh.
May 4 - 2-year anniversary of falling and breaking my back (fracturing L1 disc) and the resulting hullabaloo (discovering the degenerated disc and arthritis all through my spine).
May 5 - the second mammogram, which is a diagnostic one. Meaning they saw something on the first one...THEN they insisted on immediately doing an ultrasound, too. Ai yi yi.
May 9 - Doctor appointment. My regular (every 2 or 3 month) diabetes checkup.
May 10 - the baseline CT Scan that the hematologist ordered
May 12 - my maternal grandmother's birthday. She would be 110 today. She is the shining star of my life, and she is the most missed. This is the most bittersweet day of all, and my heart hurts all day on this day. I loved surprising her with flowers once I was old enough and able to do so.
May 14 - my and Ron's anniversary. 39 years this year. Just one more year til we hit another "big" number - our last one - 40, and that is hitting me harder than usual this year, too.
Even though I've known this for awhile, having your mortality slap you in the face doesn't feel so good.
Friday was a good day - it started with a sisters lunch, which I had requested. My sister Ruth requested Frisch's here in Bethel, and that's where we went. I really needed to talk to them about all this happening to me, and our unique take on things would go a long way in easing my mind, I thought -- and it did! They, of course, knew and know my background (and theirs) and we were able to talk freely. They could understand where I was coming from and why I was having some of the feelings I was having. I felt SO much better afterward! Then it was on to do my shopping and all, as I usually do on a Friday.
Ron brought Corgan home with him and he was going to stay all weekend this time, since we had plans for Sunday. It was pretty much a normal Friday evening.
Saturday morning found Ron and Corgan working outside, as usual, and I puttered around inside. I had them quit working at 3:00 to go get showered and changed so that we could go to church tonight. After that, we went down to Hibachi to have supper. We had a blast!
Sunday morning started with Corgan and me getting up and getting ready for our big day at the Cincinnati Zoo. Josh and Chelle would be here to pick us up around 11:00, and we sure wanted to be ready! Ron sat in his recliner and just watched us.
Once they got here, we got everything together and took off. We first headed to Eden Park to have our picnic lunch, but we couldn't find a place to park close to any picnic tables, so we decided to go on over to the Zoo and have our lunch there. We parked in the "back" parking lot, and got into the Zoo and under a shelter just as the downpour started. Boy, were we lucky there! We enjoyed our lunch while it rained and rained. Corgan gave his mom her little Mother's Day gift - a deck of cards with a family picture and monogram on the back - and we ended up using them to wait out the rain after we were done eating and it was still raining. It had quit pouring, but was still raining hard enough to not want to go out into it. Eventually, though, it did let up just enough and we ventured out. Josh took the stuff back out to the car and we went on out into the park. First of all, of course, was a pit stop, and that was where Josh met us. Then we hit a store, looking for jackets or something, but all they had were Youth sized ponchos. I got one of those. Yes, I fit into a Youth size poncho!! WhooHoo!!
Then we wandered all around the Zoo all day, until they were starting to kick us out, which was 5:00. 5:00!! Who knew the Zoo closed that early?
We called Ron and Jean to come meet us at Bethel Frisch's for supper, and to our surprise, both agreed to. So the whole family was together for supper on this Mother's Day.
It was a very good day!
Monday was my doctor appointment. Now, when this appointment was made, it was just a 2-month check-up for my diabetes and HbA1c, which was not doing very well. It was considered "out of control," even and Doc was keeping a close eye on it. That's why it was every 2 months instead of every 3 months. But, in the meantime, all this other medical crap has happened, and we had a LOT of stuff to talk about as well as the diabetes problem.
Luckily, this time my A1c was 9.0. I was a little discouraged at that number at first, but Doc reminded me that my number was 12 last time, so this is very good - a step in the right direction. I sure did feel better after that! We had a good chat about everything, and he assured me that I could call at any time if I had any questions. I go back in 2 months.
Tuesday was the big CT Scan. I was not certain how long this would take - I mean, I know how CT Scans works, going in the machine and all, but I didn't know how long a baseline (with contrast) whole body (torso) CT Scan would take. Do they move you slower? An inch at a time? What? Those kind of questions I just didn't know. Plus, how would I feel afterward?
I had Josh drive me. He was the logical answer to the driver question because of his job, and he arranged it so he could with the least amount of trouble. I had to be at the hospital at 9:30 to start drinking the contrast (so they said) and the test would be at 11:00. Yeah, right.
The scan itself only took about 15 minutes, and that was that. Whoopedy doo.
That night, I thought seriously about not going to my TOPS meeting. I wasn't feeling great. Not bad, just not great. I didn't feel like dressing again, I didn't feel like driving, I didn't feel like making the effort. But I did. I probably shouldn't have. I gained 3.6 pounds, but I'm hoping that was because of the big meal I had on the way home from the hospital. Josh and I had stopped in Williamsburg at Mama's Grill and I had the Breakfast Sampler. But once I got home, I just flopped in my recliner and didn't do anything except a few dishes. No exercises, no walking out to meet Ron, nothing. I paid the price, and I'm hoping that next week there will be a serious change in the other direction!
Blah.
I didn't feel very good all day on Wednesday, either. I did play Happy Homemaker a little bit, but not a whole lot. I just felt blah all day long. No energy, no nothing. I'm hoping that it's because I'm still flushing that contrast junk out of me...
That's been my big fun exciting week.....ugh.
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