A piss-poor day

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Today started much as any day does, with me waking, reading a bit, then getting up.
Soon after that, I did some banking, first for the Altar Society, then for us.  After that, I started on looking at and working on the papers we got to see if that is an option we are going to have to choose.  Because we are going to have to choose some kind of an option soon.  Things are getting pretty bad, and there is only Ron's income and it just doesn't stretch that far.

Do you have any idea how humiliating, how mortifying, how humbling it is to have to list - to write down - that everything you own is worth next to nothing?  My heart, my soul, my spirit sank lower and lower the more pages I read and the more I tried to think of and to write, even as notes on a piece of scrap paper, and I just cried and cried as I realized how much trouble I have caused Ron.  HE doesn't deserve this, he truly doesn't.  He works hard, and puts the bill money into bank, trusting it will be used correctly, but evidently I can't do that any longer.  Over this past year, I feel that I have failed him in so many ways, it's just not even fathomable.

I had to stop working on that, or I'd be crazier than I am now.
So I did.

I did nothing but play on the pute all day after that.  I just couldn't deal with anything else.  Still can't.

Ron made me eat some supper.  I had chicken noodle soup, a peanut butter sandwich (with orange marmalade), and dry roasted peanuts.

I'm gonna watch Criminal Minds, then go to bed, hopefully to dream of a way to make two or three thousand dollars appear out of our worthless crap.